Gift

I’m afraid. I don’t know what to expect. Maybe I just shouldn’t expect anything. Maybe I should just live in the moment, but i can’t. That’s not who I am. I overthink everything. Every decision , every action is planned for. & if it’s not, I still make a plan. I live in what ifs. What if tomorrow isn’t what I expected? What if tomorrow isn’t what I hoped? What I envisioned? Except tomorrow never ends. Tomorrow is the future. The future is time. If I’ve learned anything in twenty years of life it’s that time waits for no man. Also, tomorrow is never promised. I’m afraid. I’m afraid for my future. I’m afraid to get stuck in the present and never move forward. I’m afraid to move forward and stop living in the now. I’m afraid to not be successful. I’m afraid to let my loved ones down. I’m afraid to take risks again. I’m afraid of tomorrow. Most importantly, I’m afraid I’ll never find happiness. That’s my biggest fear, to not be happy. The future holds so much in store but what if happiness isn’t in my cards? & I know it’s ridiculous to imagine the universe isn’t working in my favor at any point, but according to Murphy’s law anything bad that can happen, will happen. And I live in what ifs remember? What if I never stop being afraid of tomorrow? I assume it’s okay to not be okay all the time. And fear is inevitable. I just hope it doesn’t consume me. Thatll take time. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift which is why it’s called the present. I can enjoy the present until I learn to live with mystery.

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